Thank you for you kind reply. But my life is not that bad. maybe because of third party view it looks bad but i get food and i am able to study the subjects that i want. The things that i mentioned happened in my family lineage but i dont know why but nothing affects me. i admit that i have felt jealous of others sometime but mostly i am quite happy as i am proud of myself that i am able to handle such situations at ease. i have a very good father and mother who protected me like anything. i know i didnt have normal childhood but was not able to play like normal children saw very abusive relationships but still everybodies life has problems. let me explain how beautiful my life is to you. in my home there are 4 chidiya ka ghosla many squirrels snakes mongoose cows and many types of animals. i have got a beautiful home, extremely beautiful. i can see moon shine from my own terrace. and let me tell you having a terrace is a blessing as one of my first friend didnt had one. i dont know if my chart is that bad but mostly i feel very very happy like out of the world happy. nothing affects me. my father and mother struggled a lot but i have seen most of the people struggle its normal. my father has handled all the problems of family on his own. he is a genius extraordinarily talentes guy. my mother is very beautiful( many aunties are jealous of her ). My grandad died very early in life due to which my grandmother was left alone. she suffered tremendously like hell having 4 kids with no father figure. we had a lot of property and grandpa was a very big man. was involved with govt of india for providing medical facilities to freedom fighters. after he died all our family members wanted to have property so they started torturing dadi. they poisoned her youngest son as he was very good in studies and he went mental and went somewhere ( gayab ho gaye). my dadi had to sell most of property and she was exploied to hell. but she was a strong lady. still fought very hard. gave education to all the kids. when my bua married her husband cheated her sexually and took all the property and ran to US. my father is still looking for him in Us citizenship database. My fathers brother also turned mad after marriage as again he married a girl who just wanted property and money.. just to get it she had a baby out of wedlock (not a good character lady) and now uncle is also mad. bua too is suffering mentally. only my father is left as he went outside to study so luckily was unaffected by all this. when my uncles wife was forcing dadi to sign in property papers my father fought her. she filed tons of cases againt him and my mother of sexually molestation and stuff. so father carrier got affected badly. he took loan form his friends and stared bussines and was able to establish it. he is like a superhero. he somehow has maintained a constant flow of income in family but sheer hardwork and will. i am so proud of him. he is giving money to every one else in family and supporting them. he lost his well paid job and landed up in patna jobless and now he has somehow become stable. my birth was not good for them as when i was born more problems kicked in but he has handled everyting. and now i will rebuild my whole family again. but you see its not that bad as everbody suffers in life. its just the intensity which varies. more the suffering more is the pleasure of winning over it. life will always have problems but thats why its beautiful. once i get into college i will have a much better life. no more lonly little kid no more abuse. but i dont need sympathy or something. i am as proudy as someone can be as i know this is not my reality. even my mother said that when i was born some panditji came and said i will become a great man but will have to build everythi g by self effort. i dont know if he was right or wrong but i dont mind efforts. but please dont take my life to be bad. i have a bed to sleep and food to eat so its a pretty good life. i have seen people with much worse lives. i am pretty happy by myself. and i have a shiv mandir in my home made by my gandpa so blessings level infinity. for dates please mention what events date you want. i will search them and if i get them will convey to you. i never expected a reply so thank you very much.

may god bless you